It's been known by many names - The Weekly Complaint, The Unnamed Column in the MU Student News, Babies, Puppies and Black Tar Heroin, and of course, Taftese. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you call it, because it's just my goofy-ass column.

2000 top

1. Welcome to the dawn of the internet's 1,014,956,251,838th web page!
2. Attack of the 5" Floppies!
3. Common Misconceptions about CGS
4. The placidity of the confusion of the stupid: Another Reason BU Should Get Cable
5. George Strikes Again!
6. I Hate Stupid People Part MDCXLIV
7. I have become more apathetic.
8. Portrait of a Single Guy
9. Womens' Magazines, or, 9 Billion ways to make him crazy
10. The Debutante Ball Part I: The Invitation, The Queen City, The Protestants
11. The Debutante Ball Part II: The Rehearsal Dinner
12. The Debutante Ball Part III: The Ball
13. A Different Kind of Hangover
14. What? The Olympics Ain't Good Enough For Ya?
15. I'm Still Bitter About Getting Rejected from Yale
16. NOW Who wasted their vote?
17. I Wish I Was Gay
18. UPSET!

2001 top

19. I am NOT a Nerd
20. Temptation Island: A Whole New Kind of Stupid (Part 1)
21. Temptation Island: A Whole New Kind of Stupid (Part 2)
22. Wanna Make Out?
23. Wisdom from a Bathroom Wall
24. Schizophrenic Logic
25. The Taftese Guide to Choosing the Right College for You
26. My Dad for President
27. But I've Never Written a Column on Cell Phones!
28. Portrait of a Single Guy Part II
29. Notes
30. But, Really, Aren't We All in Frats?
31. Why isn't baseball funnier?
32. Forget Chandra! What about Fluffy?
33. College = Bizzaroland
34. But Escalades are Inefficient!
35. The kid with the lunch box
36. Looking for love in all the wrong places
37. I May Already Be a Winner!
38. The Old Walk Up and Hump Approach
39. Point-Counterpoint: Halloween
40. Registration Tips
41. When I see something I want, I go out and pay for it
42. I bought that Nintendo GameCube™ for America
43. It's like, sometimes life is hard.
44. I'm thinking about becoming a Coffeeist
45. The Fellowship of the Nerd

2002 top

46. That New Semester Smell
47. That Dave show was Phat, Yo!
48. The Story of Valentine's Day
49. A Semester at Sea
50. I Will not Celebrate Pointless Milestones
51. I'm Giving Up Drugs for the War Effort!
52. The Penis Monologues
53. Stopping Short: columns that never made it (Notes Column II)
54. Tampering with mail is a federal offense
55. Point-Counterpoint II: Peeing Honey
56. The All-Silly Name Team
57. I'm Thinking About Becoming a Coffeeist (MUSN Edition)
58. My Opinion is Horribly Misinformed!
59. Don't Kill the (Instant) Messenger
60. Notes Column III
61. Little-Known Facts about Mizzou
62. Financial Tips for a Shaky Economy
63. I Like Raspberries!
64. Yet another column about reality TV
65. The Highlight(er) Reel
66. Fwd: check this out
67. SuperBush
68. I Got Nothin' (Notes Column IV)
69. Senioritis
70. Going Potty Over Election Day
71. Alex's Guide to Choosing a Political Party
72. How to Have a Great Thanksgiving
73. Would You Like to Help Me Ejaculate?

2003/2004/2005 top

74. I Haven't Gotten Any Since the Band Broke Up
75. A Summary of the Last Six Months in Explicit Detail
76. I Will De-Queerify You Using the Power of My Magnetic Mind by Special Guest Columnist President George W. Bush
77. Please Stop Asking About My Policies by Special Guest Columnist Arnold Schwarzenegger
78. The Rose of Appleby-Upon-Warwickshire by Special Guest Columnist Lord Pennywhistle Taft, Chancellor of the Exchequer
79. The Taftese Guide to This, a Period of Transition in Your Life
80. I Need to Work Up Some Rage to Get My Comedy Back
81. Warning: You May Already Be Infected With Holiday Spirit
82. My Christmas Birthday Present Column (Notes V)
83. It's been more than a year since I wrote a column on reality tv
84. I Will Manipulate the Crap Out of You to Get Your Vote by Special Guest Columnist President George W. Bush
85. Even after writing this really long column, I still don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life
86. The Taftese Guide to Writing Your Own Taftese Column