The Taftese Guide to This, a Period of Transition in Your Life

Since graduating from Ol’ Mizzou in May, I have been thrust from the warm, comforting womb of undergraduate existence to the harsh, cold world of … well, the world. Before I left college, I was under the impression that the real world would offer the stability that I had not had in college. I was under the impression of the following: I would be financially stable and independent; my life would have structure – no more wasted evenings playing video games; all of my time during the work day would be spent doing something I actually wanted to do, thus eliminating the awful why-am-I-here feeling I felt in 98 percent of all classes I have ever taken; and finally, everywhere I walked down Chicago’s golden-paved streets, I would be followed by an entourage of beautiful women, ready to sex me right up whenever, wherever and however I pleased.

Obviously, I had some misconceptions about the real world. I think my biggest problem is that I am always expecting that the next stage of my life will be the stage in which I “do what I want to do.” I thought that this would be the case at college; of course, it was not, as I did have to attend class to graduate. After finding a full-time job (albeit an internship – more on this in a moment), I realized that I would have to wait even longer to get to the “do what I want to do” stage of my life. That’s going to come in graduate school!

As you may have noticed in the previous paragraph, I have an internship right now, which is kind of like a job, because at my internship I work 40 hours a week and get paid. But it’s kind of not like a job because I don’t really have to do anything that involves critical thinking, writing, or anything else I didn’t really learn about in college. Basically I have no responsibility, and while that’s frustrating, at least I have something. As I’m sure most of you are aware, the job market is currently the worst it’s been in a generation. College graduates everywhere are having more trouble finding jobs, and are turning to dealing drugs, turning tricks, and most frightening of all, working at Starbucks, for income.

So, friends, if you or someone you love is entering this frighteningly unstable period, tell them to read this guide. It’s short, and it won’t get your fingers covered in disgusting potato chip grease:

The Taftese Guide to This, a Period of Transition in Your Life