George Strikes Again!
Originally posted as a part of ih8cgs.freeservers.com. When it became quite evident that nobody hated CGS quite as much as me, I closed the site and opened Taftese.
I think I may have done the greatest thing ever. I verbally shot down the second stupidest girl I know, aka George W. Bush (For more information, see this column).
Before I delve into the details of my verbal victory, there
are a few things that have to be explained:
1. George is a radical left winger. There are few people I know that are more liberal than me, and George is one of them. George is what experts (and by experts I mean me) call "crazy-ass-revolutionary" liberal. (To be non-partisan, the expert term for radical conservative is "Christian coalitionist"). George thinks that capitalism is bad. OK, that's fine. Capitalism isn't all peaches and cream, lord knows that. But it certainly isn't all bad. And it's really the only thing that works. Despite these obvious factors, George W. Bush seems to think that she will be the one to overthrow capitalism. The problem with George W. Bush's plan is that although she wants to overthrow capitalism, she isn't sure what she wants it to be replaced with. I say to her, "Well, do you want to replace it with Communism?" She says, "No." "Anarchy?" I say. "No." Then I ask, "Well, then what do you want to replace Capitalism with?" She says, "I don't know, all I know is that Capitalism is bad. Did you see South Pahk last night?"
So, we did this project in my rhetoric class where we had to define the American Dream. My thesis was that the American Dream is money. I'm not sure what her thesis was. Probably something about how the American Dream is misleading and that if everyone in the world was high for a 24-hour period, the world would be such a more peaceful place. Here's a big part of my presentation: I said that there were no exceptions to the rule. I said that everybody in America is motivated by money. Which I believe to a point, but not fully. But I put this point in my presentation because it made my presentation a lot stronger. So, by means of Verbatim Dialouge I will relay to you how I shut down George W. Bush:
ME: Are there any questions? Yes, George W. Bush?
GEORGE W. BUSH: You said that there are no exceptions to the rule about being motivated by money.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Well, what about me? I'm not motivated by money. My entire dream is to lead a revolution. I want to overthrow capitalism.
ME: Yeah, well, you're not really an exception because you're going to need to have money. You're going to need money to put up flyers, write a bad newspaper, and to spread the word about whatever your revolution will be about. And chances are, you're going to fail, and have to get a real job. (Silence in the classroom. Shock and horror that I would accuse of George W. Bush of failing. My Rhetoric Professor is trying not to laugh).
SOMEONE ELSE: What about people like Mother Theresa?
ME: Well, there are some exceptions.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Oh, so Mother Theresa is an exception, but I'm not?
ME: Well, yeah. No offense, George, but you are no Mother Theresa. You're just a numbskull who doesn't know what she's talking about.
GEORGE W. BUSH: I will overthrow capitalism someday!
ME: No you won't. Mostly because the capitalists will have more money than you.
GEORGE W. BUSH: This column is going nowhere.
ME: Yeah. Especially because I made the last two lines up. But the rest of it was true.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Yeah, sure it was.
ME: No, really, it was!
GEORGE W. BUSH: Come on! You expect your readers to believe that this girl is really that stupid?
ME: Yes. It helps that I use "George W. Bush" as her acronym.
GEORGE W. BUSH: The real George W. Bush isn't this stupid.
ME: Are you kidding? He thinks that the voucher system will solve our nation's educational problems! What a crock of shit!
GEORGE W. BUSH: You're getting too political.
ME: You're right. And now that I've left BU, I can kill you off.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Dam straight.
See you next week.