I like Raspberries!

Actual author's note: This column is dedicated to Max Joel, who came up with the idea for this column.

Fake author's note: Due to the controversial nature of last week's column, the editing staff asked me to tone down my content for a week and try to make some nice, clean, family style humor. --A.T.

I like Raspberries!

Man, if there is one thing I like in this world, it's raspberries. If aliens came down and said, "Hey, Alex! We're going to vanquish all of the food in the world except for one thing and you have to choose what we're going to keep," I would probably choose beans because they are a complex carbohydrate high in fiber, low in fat and high in vitamin A and it would likely be the most efficient, healthy, logical choice for a food to feed the world for an alien reign of terror to last ten millenia. But Raspberries would be a close second!

Do you know what's really good? Raspberries on ice cream. Some people like chocolate sauce on their ice cream, and I guess that's okay, but I'd rather just have good ol' mother nature's candy: Raspberries!

Some people don't raspberries because they don't like the seeds. But I think the seeds are the best part. After all, without the seeds, we couldn't grow any more raspberry trees to make more raspberries!

When I was a little boy we used to go raspberry picking every summer and it was so much fun! I used to go out into the field and find the biggest raspberry tree of them all. Then I would eat lots and lots of raspberries until my mommy would tell me to stop! Then I would lie under the tree and stare up at the raspberries and dream about the wonderful wife I would meet someday which would complete my quest for wholeness as a human being. Only a boy's love could be so truly idealistic and pure!

Oh, raspberries and I sure have had a good time together over the years. It's not like we haven't had our share of differences; I got pretty mad at raspberries when they decided to lend their juiciness to Rasperry Stoli, which I tried and it didn't taste like raspberries at all! It did make me feel funny, though. But even though we have had some hard times together, raspberries have always been there for me, in good times and bad. On cereal, waffles, ice cream, and all alone. And of course, atop the highest raspberry tree in the land.


Also appeared in September 12, 2002 edition of MU Student News.