Half-Complaints (Notes)

Sometimes I have something to complain about that just isn't long enough to make into a full-length column. Sometimes, it's a half-complaint; it annoys me a little bit, but isn't that big of a deal. Here are a whole bunch of those.

Today, I bought a cinammon roll at a bake sale. It was probably the worst cinnamon roll I've ever eaten. But it was only 75 cents so, you know, whatever.

Does Radiohead even use guitars anymore?

Who came up with the idea of putting marshmallows into cereal? Was this guy sitting on his butt eating breakfast one day and all of a sudden he thought, "Goddamn, do you know what would taste good on these Cheerios? Some fucking marshmallows, that's what!"

Here's some stuff that sucks: Journalism, LFO, the Yankees, George W. Bush, Joe Morgan (as a commentator; he was a great player), dining hall food, dorm rooms, Godsmack, Me, Myself and Irene, Creed, final exams.

Al Gore's campaign slogan for 2004: "Look what you gone and did."

I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. I'm tired, but I have all this work to do so I can't sleep. Of course, instead of doing work, I'm writing this fucking column.

The people that live on earth 10,000 years from now are going to think that we were fucking morons.

Is there a thing in the brains of old people that makes them not understand technology? I mean, at what age did these people stop adapting to modern society? I'm not asking Grandpa to know HTML and Javascript; but shit, it's not like sending an e-mail is brain surgery. And if you're 20 years old and you don't know how to send an e-mail, you'd better have a pretty fucking good excuse, like you grew up in Nigeria or something. I have no patience for a young person who is computer/technology illiterate.

The world's population is currently 51% women, 49% men. I think this has something to do with God's fondness of pussy.

Sometimes I think that I drink too much coffee; I'm up to about 3-4 cups a day. But I figure it could be worse, you know?

I think I'd like to write a porno movie someday. I'd get paid for writing it, and I don't think it would be all that difficult. How would they edit that? Maybe they'd send the script back, and there'd be red pen all over it saying stuff like "too wordy," "maybe an anal scene here?" and "I get the feeling that Trixie wouldn't be into the lesbian scene here; it's not consistent with her character. You either have to develop Trixie's character earlier in the film with more of a penchant or curiosity towards being with another woman, or you just have to change this scene to a good old-fashioned deep-dicking."