Fwd: check this out

Recently in Yakimaw county in Washington, officials announced that people that receive traffic tickets will soon be able to challenge the tickets via email to a judge.

"Wow," I thought when I heard this news, "the internet. Is there anything it can't do?" Really, there's not. You can order a pizza online and have it delivered to your house. You can rent movies, download music, meet people, buy anything. Personally, I look forward to the day where I don't leave the house for a week because I have everything delivered to me. Some people think the idea of people never leaving the house is scary. I don't think so, mostly because I don't leave the house anyway, but also because somebody has to deliver what I order. Unless you get super-intelligent robots. And you don't want that, because what if they start to feel love and anger and hatred toward their human masters? All of a sudden, you've got a Styx album.

Clearly, there are some things technology just can't do. That's what I thought, at least, until I opened up my email the other day.

Apparently, it is now possible for me, artaft, to enlarge my penis safely and naturally! Incredible! Technology really can do anything. According to this e-mail sent to me - by a total stranger, no less (people are so friendly on the internet!) ­ this new penis-enlarging technology has been featured on CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox and the Disney Channel. I'm surprised I haven't heard about it, what with it all over the news and all. The guy who sent me this e-mail, (I guess his name is super_stud_69678n74@hotmail.com) says that this technology is all natural and totally safe! They even had a real doctor in this email saying that it was safe! It only costs $59.95 plus $7.95 shipping and handling for the first month's supply of pills, and if I'm not totally satisfied, they will refund my money less shipping and handling. They accepted credit cards for my convenience. Wow. The internet has truly opened some new doors for the penis-enlarging business.

Despite all of the hoopla and seemingly indisputable evidence towards the fact that if I ordered this product, my penis would safely and naturally become much larger, I still had my doubts. That's when the real-life testimonials came in handy. You know they're real because they only list the person's first name and then their last initial, to protect their identity. That's very professional. For example, Tim S. of Westfield Heights, NJ said "It's incredible! My penis grew from four inches erect to nine and a half! My girlfriend can't get enough!" Wow.

Well, what could I do? This is my penile future we're talking about! I sent them my credit card number, and now I'm waiting 6-8 weeks to receive my inconspicuously packaged pills to arrive at my doorstep. My credit card has been discreetly billed by rntbb.com. As far as my credit card company knows, I ordered some books from rntbb.com! The amazing thing is, since I sent them my information, I have been receiving a lot more emails about more amazing products from other nice people from all over the internet.

Wow! I can enlarge my breasts safely and naturally!

Also appeared in October 3, 2002 edition of the MU Student News.