When I see something I want, I go out and pay for it

There are some pretty dynamic people in this world. People that want to grab the world by the horns and wrestle it down to the ground. People who, when they see something they want, whether it is career-wise, in their personal lives, or something material, they say to themselves, "I am going to go and get that." These are the kind of people whose unending positive thinking propels them to the top of their professions and makes them successful in their personal lives.

Not me.

I'm the kind of guy who, when he sees something he wants, says "I will purchase that." Because I just don't have the kind of will power or confidence to go out and just "get" a "girlfriend" or a "job." Some might say that it's because I don't see women as "possessions" or money or success as "integral to my happiness." And although both of these things are true, I think that the real reason that I am not the motivated, world-beating, go-getter that many people are is that I just don't view these things as mine to "get."

Let's say that a great job offer comes my way after I graduate next year. Let's say that it's something that I've always dreamed of doing, like writing for a sitcom. Let's say that the pay is good, there is health and dental, and on top of it all, I don't have to live in L.A. Well, who am I to take said job away from Bob Competitor? I don't want to make Bob miserable. I don't even know Bob. Maybe Bob has kids. Maybe Bob needs the work more than I do. Now, all of a sudden, I'm a jerk. Thanks, but no thanks, UPN. It's graduate school for me.

Let's say that in graduate school, I write a great short story that my creative writing professor tells me I should send in to a literary journal to get published. And risk somebody ripping off my story idea and making it into a movie? I don't think so. Get it copyrighted at the Library of Congress? No, thanks. I haven't been sending anything through the mail thanks to this anthrax business.

Some folks might say that I'm spineless. To those folks, I say this: think about all of the doormats you've stepped on in your exciting, dynamic life. Think about all of the people, who, when opportunity has come knocking at their door, they happened to be out in the back pruning the hedges. Without these people, you would be nothing. If everyone was as competitive as you are, you would find yourself in constant competition rather than just beating the world over the head with your custom-made Louisville Slugger. So rather than criticizing us, thank us, and offer us a job which we will be afraid to accept.