Originally posted as a part of ih8cgs.freeservers.com. When it became quite evident that nobody hated CGS quite as much as me, I closed the site and opened Taftese.

A lot of people who read this column (approximately 4 out of 7 of them) do not attend CGS, or do not really have a keen grasp of what it is. So, in this column, I thought I'd talk about what CGS is, what the myths are, which are true, which are not, etc.

OK, first of all, despite what the "initials" portion of this webpage may tell you, CGS does not stand for College of Gucci Sluts (although it might as well) or anything else listed on that page. CGS stands for College of General Studies. And what do we learn at the College of General Studies? Why, we learn about General things. For 4 semesters (2 years). How general? This general: The following are the ACTUAL NAMES of the courses that we at CGS take for 2 entire school years:

Humanities

Social Science

Science

Rhetoric

Mathematics (which is only required freshman year, unless you want to go into something where you have to be numbers-savvy).

Through this monotonous 2-year courseload, we are supposed to figure out what we are going to do for the rest of our lives.
Well, I know what you all are thinking: "That's the most retarted thing I've ever seen. How the hell are they supposed to figure out what they want to do with themselves if they can't even pick their courses?"
Well, see, the idea is that the courses are all GENERAL, so we get to learn lots of GENERAL stuff. We cross a broad spectrum of different topics in every course we take. Like in Social Science for example. This year we have learned about sociology, anthropology, and psychology, all in only one semester! The problem is, things tend to get cut off. A lot. The following is a verbatim re-enactment of my ENTIRE Psychology unit:

PROFESSOR: And now, Psychology. Sigmund Freud was the father of modern Psychology. He invented the idea that the brain was divided into three parts: The id, the ego, and the super-ego. The id controls what the person really wants, most often sexual impulses. The super-ego is the voice of the parent, that tells the brain that whatever the id wants is bad. The ego is the mediator between the two, and through a process called sublimination, lets the id partially have its way and the super-ego have partially its way as well. Later on there was a guy named Jung. Any questions? <br> As someone who was interested in learning Psychology and maybe becoming a Psychologist for a living, I was very disappointed in that unit. I also learned that it would be bad for me to be a Psychologist, in that I am not very nice to people. This is why I will be a journalist someday.

Anyway, now that you know about what we do at CGS, I come to what this week's column is actually about:
Common misconceptions of CGS.
Misconception #1: Everyone at CGS is stupid. Not true. There are three types of people at CGS. a) The intelligent ones who really don't belong there because the rigidness of the system strangles them like a vise. b) the intelligent ones who are confused, so don't mind being there (these are the people who the program will actually benefit, and it is also the majority population of the college) and finally, c) the complete morons. I can boldly say that I have met the stupidest people I have ever met in my entire life in the CGS program. I have had poops with bigger IQ's than these people. These are the people that give CGS the bad reputation, and with good reason. They always seem to be the loudest, too. Here's an algebraic equation that everyone at CGS should memorize: Loud + Stupid = Annoying. If you are stupid, please don't be loud. Intelligent CGS people reading this column now, if you encounter someone who is stupid and loud, please let them know that they are stupid. They are bringing the rest of us down.

Misconception #2: There are bells at CGS. Nope. But there might as well be. All of our classes begin on the hour (:00) and end at ten 'til. (:50). They really strive to make everything as unchallenging as possible at CGS. They have learning assistance for every course, peer advisers, and your professors know you by name. It makes me sick. I came to BU to be a number, dammit!
Misconception #3: There is recess at CGS. I wish! There isn't, but during the unnecessarily long10-minute passing period (our building is about the size of my high school... we only got 5, and that was enough...) the smoking population of CGS goes outside to get their much needed almost-went-an-hour-without-nicotine fix.

Misconception #4: You get to pick SOME classes. Nope. Everything is assigned for us for 2 years. If we get a certain GPA, you can audit a class in CAS, and if you're stupid enough to want to take on a sixth course, then go ahead, be my guest. Just don't be loud while you're doing it.

Misconception #5: The grading is easier at CGS. Actually, the grading at CGS is HARDER than the rest of the University! My PROFESSORS have told me that, were I in CAS or COM, I would probably be getting straight A's and B's! So, why is that? Get this. It's supposed to be a motivator.

CGS Fantasyland: Since it is so difficult to get an A at CGS, the idea is that when the teacher comes in on the first day of class and says "Most of you will not get A's in this class," Johnny CGS-Student thinks to himself, "Why, I'll show HER!" And then he works his ass off to prove to his professor that he CAN get an A, and she gives him one because he worked so hard.

CGS Reality: Since it is so difficult to get an A at CGS, most of the students' spirits are crushed and help to upstart angsty websites (actually, that's just me). Most of the students just get frustrated and end up going to class, putting in "C-work" effort, and getting C's and D's, and maybe a B.

The morons who think that crushing the students' efforts will motivate them have got to get their heads screwed on straight. I would love to see the Dean of CGS' people skills. Imagine the kind of card he must write to his wife on their anniversary.

Keep on chooglin' till next week, amigos.

4 February 2000