Forget Chandra! What about Fluffy?
I'm sure that you all have heard a lot about Chandra Levy. The case has been getting unprecedented coverage on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, and other all-news networks that, frankly, get a little bit bored during the day. If you're unfamiliar with the specifics of the Chandra Levy case, let me bring you up to speed:
For months now, Senator Bob Packwood has been contemplating switching parties, which would make the Republicans a minority in the house of the Senators. But on top of that, one of Packwood's interns, Chandra Levy, has been missing. Apparently, Levy had threatened to file a sexual harassment lawsuit against Packwood after she found a Gap dress with Packwood's semen on it. Shortly after she filed the suit, Levy disappeared, and hasn't been seen in almost 4 months. Many believe that Packwood had Levy killed because of her attempt to exploit him; however, many believe that Levy simply got lost on the way to the dry cleaners to get that yucky stain off her dress.
To this sticky situation I say only this: Four months?!? That's nothing! My cat Fluffy has been missing for 13 years now, and Mommy and Daddy say that she will come back any day.
When I was 7, I came home from school one day to Mommy and Daddy looking forlorn. They sat me down and told me frankly and honestly that Fluffy was missing. I started to cry. I asked them if they thought Fluffy was coming back anytime soon, and they said that they didn't think Fluffy was ever going to come back. That just made me cry harder. I said that we should put up signs around the neighborhood with pictures of Fluffy on them to see if maybe one of the neighbors had seen her. Mommy and Daddy looked at each other kind of worriedly and tried their best to stop me from putting up signs around the neighborhood... it was almost as if they wanted to just give up on Fluffy!
I didn't have any of it, though. I saved up all of my allowance and made a sign and rode my bike to the library where I made a lot of signs with my name and my phone number and a picture of Fluffy on them.
I even asked all of the neighbors if they had seen her. The last person to see her was Joe, the garbage man. He said that he had seen her run out in front of his truck, but didn't see her after that. I think that she might have jumped on the truck and rode it to a different town. I hope she has a new family and that she is happy.
Yeah, now Chandra "four months" Levy doesn't seem
so impressive, does she? I'll wait another seven years until I
call that a news story.
27 August 2001 - Also appeared in MU Student News