Haiku is an ancient poetry art from China or Japan or some other Asian country, like maybe India or something. Do you really expect me to know these things?

Anyway, a Haiku poem is written in three independent clauses. The first must be five syllables long, the second must be seven syllables, and the third must again be five. Try it with your friends! It's not as easy as you might think.

Al Gore
English Major
Writing haiku is hard
That Song
Mark Shelley
Three Weeks Into It
A Haiku for Alison
A haiku in response to yet another request from Alison for more haiku
A bad habit
The Dating Process
If I had a lot of money
2002 Cubs
A Farewell to KCOU

Napster | top

property! To whom does it
belong? Me. Sucka.

Al Gore | top

I will now concede.
New decision: I have won.
I will now concede.

Republican | top

Less money from the
Taxpayers will somehow make
Public schools better.

Ross | top

My hair hurts with grease
Perhaps because I've not bathed
In four fucking days

English Major | top

My major's English
Mom and Dad's basement will be
My future abode

Writing haiku is hard | top

The blooming lotus
Bends slightly at the wind's breath
Soon to... fuck this shit

That Song | top

Do you know that song?
It goes la-la-LA-la-la
I hate that damn song

Mark Shelley | top

It was a long day
Of poop sex and balls humor
Basement time for Mark

Three Weeks Into It | top

"Let's stay together."
"I can't do this; let's break up."
Fucking crazy Brit.

A Haiku for Alison | top

Ali likes haikus;
She e-mails to demand more.
I'm not a machine!

A haiku in response to yet another request from Alison for more haiku | top

You want more haiku?
Okay, I'll give it to you!
Here's your damn haiku!

A bad habit | top

I broke another;
This is the third in six months.
Dildos are fragile.

The Dating Process | top

Wanna get coffee?
Wanna engage in coitus?
No? Why the hell not?

If I had a lot of money | top

World Champion Cubs;
Solar powered flying cars;
Also, I'd buy France.

eBay | top

eBay is the best.
It's pure capitalism.
Adam Smith would jizz.

Sleepy | top

When you're quite sleepy
It is good to stay up late
And write bad haikus

Shave | top

Stubble it is not;
Wispy, adolescent hair.
God, I need to shave.

2002 Cubs | top

Free agents will help!
Our bullpen's our biggest strength!
Sixty-seven wins.

Lo | top

Me: "Take it easy."
Lo: "Only way to take it."
Lo is a nice guy.

A Farewell to KCOU (as seen on the wall in the jazz room at 101F Pershing Hall, Columbia, Missouri) | top

I like jazz music.
I played it ev'ry Monday.
I have a big head.