That 90's Show
(Alex Taft & Mark Shelley)
The Macarena plays in the background.
Announcer: Remember when Baseball went on strike? Remember when Ellen came out of the closet? Remember when Bel Biv Divoe topped the charts with Poison? It all happened in that wacky decade called the 90s! From the producers of That 70s show and That 80s show comes That 90s show.
With Macarena still playing in the background, Mara Macarenas into the room.
Mara: Man, that macarena is NEVER going out of style.
Nick: Just like Nine Inch Nails. (Pulls out a picture of Trent Reznor, stares at it). You get me closer to God, Trent.
Nick exits. Mara continues to Macarena, despite the fact that the music has now stopped.
Matt: Are you still doing that retarded ass Macarena?
Mara: The macarena rules. Its the dance for white people who cant dance. Its the electric slide of the coming millenium!
Matt: Shut up! I cant handle this anymore! Shit just hasnt been the same since Kurt died.
Mara: Do you want to talk about it?
Matt: I hate you! Im so strung out, man. Im going downstairs. Matt leaves.
Enter Vanilla Ice Guy.
Mark: What up, Bo-yeeeeee! Word to your mother!
Mara: God, Mark, are you still obsessed with that Vanilla Ice crap?
Mark: Man, hes from the streets. Vanilla be keepin it REAL. Word to your mother.
Mara: God, Mark. Why dont you get with the times? The Macarena is now.
Mara turns on the macarena again, starts doing macarena. Again.
Matt comes onstage.
Matt: Will you guys turn that shit down? Im trying to watch Beavis and Butthead while learning Today by the Smashing Pumpkins on my Fender Jagstang guitar, the guitar that Kurt Cobain invented.
Mark: To the extreme! Why dont you go downstairs and play some more of that funky music, white boy. Im gonna go get some parachute pants. Proper. Word to your mother.
Announcer: The critics agree. That 90s show is totally excellent, dude! Hardy Movalson of the Chicago Sun-Times raves, That 90s show takes me back. Back all the way to the 90s.
Nick re-enters with a drink: Have you tried this Crystal Clear Pepsi? It tastes like Pepsi, only its clear.
Nick: So... its CLEAR. Exits.
Announcer: Bob Macadoo of the New York Times rants, They should just give it a rest already. The 70s thing was cute, the 80s thing was annoying, and this just makes me want to cut myself.
Mark: They were out of parachute pants, so I just got this Sir Mix-a-Lot CD instead. He likes big butts! Outrageous! Word to your mother.
Mark and Mara exit.
Announcer: Gene Shalit raves, I have an enormous, pube-like mustache, and Im not even a TV critic.
Matt (writing): Its better to burn out than to fade away. Thats why Im going to kill myself.
Announcer: That 90s Show! Wednesdays at 8:30 on Fox!
That 1870's Show
Announcer: Remember reconstruction and what a difficult time period it was? Remember when indentured servitude was the way of the South? Remember the cotton gin? It all happened in that wacky decade of the 1870s! From the producers of That 70s Show, That 80s Show and That 90s Show comes a hilarious look at a young country trying to rebuild from the most violent war in its young history: That 1870s Show!
Gangrene Guy: Oh, Tiddlywinks! It seems that my knee is Gangrene!
Doctor: Nurse, bring me the leeches!
Announcer: Coming this fall on Fox!