That 90's Show

(Alex Taft & Mark Shelley)

The Macarena plays in the background.

Announcer: Remember when Baseball went on strike? Remember when Ellen came out of the closet? Remember when Bel Biv Divoe topped the charts with “Poison?” It all happened in that wacky decade called the 90’s! From the producers of “That 70’s show” and “That 80’s show” comes “That 90’s show.”

With Macarena still playing in the background, Mara “Macarenas” into the room.

Mara: Man, that macarena is NEVER going out of style.

Nick: Just like Nine Inch Nails. (Pulls out a picture of Trent Reznor, stares at it). You get me closer to God, Trent.

Nick exits. Mara continues to Macarena, despite the fact that the music has now stopped.

Matt enters.

Matt: Are you still doing that retarded ass Macarena?

Mara: The macarena rules. It’s the dance for white people who can’t dance. It’s the electric slide of the coming millenium!

Matt: Shut up! I can’t handle this anymore! Shit just hasn’t been the same since Kurt died.

Mara: Do you want to talk about it?

Matt: I hate you! I’m so strung out, man. I’m going downstairs. Matt leaves.

Enter Vanilla Ice Guy.

Mark: What up, Bo-yeeeeee! Word to your mother!

Mara: God, Mark, are you still obsessed with that Vanilla Ice crap?

Mark: Man, he’s from the streets. Vanilla be keepin’ it REAL. Word to your mother.

Mara: God, Mark. Why don’t you get with the times? The Macarena is now.
Mara turns on the macarena again, starts doing macarena. Again.

Matt comes onstage.

Matt: Will you guys turn that shit down? I’m trying to watch Beavis and Butthead while learning “Today” by the Smashing Pumpkins on my Fender Jagstang guitar, the guitar that Kurt Cobain invented.

Mark: To the extreme! Why don’t you go downstairs and play some more of that funky music, white boy. I’m gonna go get some parachute pants. Proper. Word to your mother.

Mark exits.

Announcer: The critics agree. That 90’s show is totally excellent, dude! Hardy Movalson of the Chicago Sun-Times raves, “That 90’s show takes me back. Back all the way to the 90’s.”

Nick re-enters with a drink: Have you tried this Crystal Clear Pepsi? It tastes like Pepsi, only it’s clear.

Mara: So?

Nick: So... it’s CLEAR. Exits.

Announcer: Bob Macadoo of the New York Times rants, “They should just give it a rest already. The 70’s thing was cute, the 80’s thing was annoying, and this just makes me want to cut myself.”

Mark re-enters.

Mark: They were out of parachute pants, so I just got this Sir Mix-a-Lot CD instead. He likes big butts! Outrageous! Word to your mother.

Mark and Mara exit.

Announcer: Gene Shalit raves, “I have an enormous, pube-like mustache, and I’m not even a TV critic.”

Matt (writing): It’s better to burn out than to fade away. That’s why I’m going to kill myself.

Announcer: That 90’s Show! Wednesdays at 8:30 on Fox!

That 1870's Show

Announcer: Remember reconstruction and what a difficult time period it was? Remember when indentured servitude was the way of the South? Remember the cotton gin? It all happened in that wacky decade of the 1870’s! From the producers of “That’ 70’s Show,” “That 80’s Show” and “That 90’s Show” comes a hilarious look at a young country trying to rebuild from the most violent war in its young history: That 1870’s Show!

Gangrene Guy: Oh, Tiddlywinks! It seems that my knee is Gangrene!

Doctor: Nurse, bring me the leeches!

Announcer: Coming this fall on Fox!