Rejected Sketches
by Ozmünd Caprese and Slow Children at Play

OZ: Good evening. The Boston University Administration has deemed the following sketches inappropriate for tonight's performance. The following sketches will not be performed:

Is That KY Jelly I'm Drinking?
500 fat people doing 500 sit-ups
You Dirty Tramp! Stop sleeping with Bob Eubanks!
Ronald McDonald fucks Grimace up his humungous purple ass
You Can't Be Pregnant; I Didn't Touch You!
Your Breasts Remind Me of my Sister
My Trunk is Full of Dead Babies
High Pitched Screetching Theater
Kentucky-Fried Jimmy Hoffa's Head
Little Johnny and his Kidney Porn
Throw Poop at him, he's gay.

Sorry about the inconvenience, folks. We hope you enjoy the show.

OZ exits. JESUS and TWO GIRLS enter. The TWO GIRLS get down on their knees, with their mouths open and eyes shut, porno star style, ready to get a facial.

JESUS: My little lambs, I will now anoint you with my holy load.

OZ Rushes out on stage, interrupting the scene: Wait, wait...guys... we can't do this one either. Yeah, "Jesus Was a Porn Star" was blocked at the last second. Sorry.

end of scene.