As you probably saw on the front page, my girlfriend and I broke up last week, putting me in the position of being single for the first time in more than a year.

It's weird. One of the things one evaluates after he or she has broken up with someone is what qualities attracted a person of the opposite sex to the other person in the first place.

So, I did what any other vulnerable, depressed, moderately insecure individual would do: write down a Playboy-esque list of all my qualities (both good and bad) and post them on the internet.

Name: Alex Taft

Age: 19

Measurements: 42FFF-24-38

Height: 6'0"

Weight: 170 lbs.

Eyes: Hazel

Hair: Big

Looks good in: A tux (see above)

Looks bad in: Just about everything else.

Likes: Video games, movies, Apple computers, baseball, drinking Slurpees.

Dislikes: Drinking, drugs, loud music, parties, uber-conservatives, competition with the exception of the market and the sportin' field.

(And now, the talent portion of our Questionairre):

Do you think the bill of rights is a good thing or a bad thing?
Uhh.... Good thing.

Is Microsoft a monopoly?
Is George W. Bush an idiot?

Why do you always end up getting political in your columns on your website that only six people (all friends) visit anyway?
Because I am a politically active person, and am likely to argue with someone with whom I disagree. This website is a good way for me to voice my frustrations about the things that frustrate me; such as people wanting lower gas prices instead of clean air; people thinking the voucher system will solve our country's education problems; people who think that gay marriage should be illegal; ignorant, rich, white people who think that affirmative action should be done away with. I can be an angry person. This column is called The Weekly Complaint for a reason. By the way, did you hear I broke up with my girlfriend recently?

So, what is your solution to all of these problems?
Well, first the Cubs need to win a World Series. That will only be done once I have purchased the Cubs. After owning a baseball team for a few years, I figure I will have the political experience to run for Governor of Illinois, and eventually President. After all, nothing says Political Experience like owning a Major League Baseball team.

Come and get me, ladies.

Rrrrr.